Bring me Sunshine

Hi. Hope everyone is doing well. Lots of insane winter weather over the last month for many of y’all! Hoping you managed through it without too much discomfort?!?

I’m still on the go. No plans of changing that, as of now. I think I last left off in Nashville. The Airbnb was great. Everything I could need. I had a friend’s help choosing the right location (12 South area), the place itself was new, designed and decorated nicely, and the location was outstanding. It’s always those first few days arriving somewhere new, alone. Now what to do? There is the immediate distraction of getting provisions, googling potential activities, unpacking…..I HATE the unpacking. I can’t remember if I’ve said this before, but I can live out of a suitcase for weeks. I’m OCD on organization and cleanliness, but somehow don’t mind my suitcase doubling as a closet. Craig would walk into a hotel room and immediately unpack. Hang everything up, neatly tuck his folded items in drawers, pull out his dopp kit and claim his side of the bathroom. His suitcase was put away within 15 min of arrival. All the while, mine stayed exactly where the “bellhop” put it. I’d procrastinate by chatting C up, trying to cajole him into doing the same for my things (in time this worked), called down to say my pillows weren’t firm enough and I needed new ones (C has this as a permanent request in his bookings ❤️), and then would find myself surprised that he was already in a bathing suit and putting his suntan lotion on. Or whatever the appropriate attire for the destination. I felt like I was still lowering my handbag off my shoulder, and he was fully transformed and ready to go! Then of course….”Luuuudes, wait….you’re being too fast”. 😜 You know, when you’re a kid playing a sport with your sibling and you don’t like that they are beating you. It was me with Morgan and tennis. If I couldn’t answer a serve or volley, “Moooorgan, you’re hitting it too hard”. Anyway, this time I unpacked. Right from the get go. I just decided to be a big girl and hang everything up and I’ve gotta say, C might have been on to something.

Nashville was great for several reasons. One of my favorite and dearest guy friends from HS has lived there for the last 6 years. He went to school in the Midwest and lived in Chicago after college, up until their move to Nashville. I hadn’t gotten to really spend much QT with him over the years or meet his lovely wife and children. Since they are also very Covid conscientious, they had me over to their beautiful home for dinner on my third day there. Halle, his wife, made an amazing spread of food, the kids were darling, and the new puppy was a bonus. 😍 It was a very welcoming/comforting visit. He’s a friend that no matter the passage of time, the depth of the friendship is solid. We had some emotional conversations about our friend Cole, whom we lost, coming up on 6 years. Obviously conversations about C. The tears flowed, but so did the laughs.

From that point on in the trip, I tried out several hiking places. Part of the reason I chose Nashville after the whole passport fail was bc I wanted to be able to exercise, and choose a location that was reasonable driving distance back to Dallas since I had driven Oklahoma—>St. Louis—>Nashville. It was only an 8.5 drive back to Dallas, and the climate was tolerable for outdoor activity in January! Slim pickins on those winter locations - at least of places I like. I loved Nashville. It reminded me so much of Atlanta and our incredible time shared there. Those 15 (or maybe 18) months that we spent back and forth to ATL were some of the best times in our life. Many trips with our boy Bings in tow. ❤️ I know I’m off topic now, but thinking about Atlanta and the endless adventures we had there, I had (what I believe) was a C sign about a month after he was gone. It was the middle of another sleepless night - around 3am - and I had turned on the TV. The movie Hall Pass was on. This kind of comedy typically doesn’t appeal to me. I had been watching it for a surprisingly long while when the scene changed and the characters were in a bar called Johnny’s Hideway. It is this crazy throwback kitschy weird “hole-in-the-wall” bar in Atlanta. It attracts all age groups. They still allow smoking inside. 😳 They start the music around 5pm - featuring different eras. First maybe the 50’s, and what seemed like hourly, they’d move on to the next musical era. In keeping with its quirkiness, there is a DJ in a tiny booth. And I think he was quite old. It’s kind of an SNL skit in real time. There is a small parquet dance floor. Packed by about 11pm. Frighteningly, C and I even got out there once or twice. NO ONE wants to witness us dancing. We are two of the worst dancers. I can’t sugarcoat it. We suck. Side-together-side-together, robotic moves, little bit of white man’s overbite, little swaying front to back a la 90’s The Cure too-cool-to-dance move, C did a regular arms bent moving his fists in a circular pattern right in front of his chest, keeping it tight. If enough juice was flowing, I might do a running man or Roger rabbit (neither can I do AT ALL). We were a skit within a skit. And honestly, we didn’t even have fun dancing! It wasn’t a passion we had and said, “screw it, let’s dance”. I don’t know why we ever tortured ourselves or those around us. Elaine Benes clearly served as inspiration. Anyway, the point was that the random movie at 3am showing the scene at our frequented bar seemed like C checking in.

Back to the hiking. I found several places and would mix them up, but my most favorite, and where I went most days, was Percy Warner. Loved it! They have a lot of different trails, but I’d get in 6-8mi through these huge trees on curving paths around the mountain. Even with the dead leaves of winter, it was so peaceful and pretty. I’d pass people, but not enough to feel like it was busy. There are so many different routes, it helps to spread everyone out. The elevations were a nice change. My app usually said I’d climbed between 40-50 floors. Nothing clears your head, or conversely, gives you time to think, like the solitude of nature. I was also able to walk a lot around the neighborhood where I was staying. That was very hilly too. Us simple folk from the flat lands can find that landscape challenging. 😳🏃‍♀️

I did the touristy thing and toured the historic Belle Meade mansion. They focus a lot on the families that were enslaved there. The tour is presented from both the perspective of the owner occupant, and from their yet-to-be-liberated occupants. They have extensive documentation, writings, and interviews with their descendants. For me, it was the deciding factor in taking the tour. Knowing it was represented with transparency.

I went out to eat twice. Once outside, once at 5pm when no one else was on the senior schedule. Just sat and had a socially distanced meal, enjoyed a glass of wine or two. The bartender did ask me something about where my husband was. I lied. It seemed easier than explaining more to her. I mean, it wasn’t technically a lie. I just said I was there for a few weeks by myself. Sometimes it feels like there is too much to say on that topic. To the bartender, to y’all. I guess there just comes a point where it’s mine to unpack. And I’m still not comfortable saying he is gone. To a stranger. Craig’s mom and I have talked about that. Anonymity allows you to go back to your normal life, if only for a moment.

After leaving Nashville at the end of January, I went back to Dallas for 2 days before heading East to see Babs. I flew to NJ the day before the nor’easter. Ugh. It was beautiful, don’t get me wrong, but it is a beat down in that kind of cold! I had pretty much been in below freezing temps since heading to Oklahoma over New Years, then STL, then Nashville (which had some decent days), but still lots of cold. On my second or third day in NJ we got about 30” of snow!! Luckily, my mom's cousin has a gym downstairs so I could still work out each day, but Lordy, I couldn’t survive living in that kind of winter. This skin is too thin! Babs and I just hung out a lot. Two people trapped in a house, food dwindling, no delivery service, always a moment away from minor bickering turning full code red. It was a great game of Russian roulette. We were living on the edge, and we managed through it! 😉 We got another round of snow that dropped another 4-6” and that was enough for me. I’d only left myself a small 36 hour window to fly back to Dallas and then leave for San Francisco on Feb 14th. I didn’t want the weather out East to force me to shift my next leg, so I got on another flight and arrived in Dallas a couple of days earlier than planned. Again to the freezing cold! I thought NJ was my travel problem….? Ha! And now y’all know the rest - either bc you live in Texas, or you saw it on the news. My flight was cancelled 3 different times over the next week. Dallas was a mess. And I wasn’t even someone that had to endure without electricity or water. Really devastating for so many people.

I spent several days with the Evans’, then switched to the Yoder’s for a couple of days, then back to Evans’. Just spreading the wealth. 😁 After several days my friend Ashley and I finally got out to walk near White Rock. We did a couple of long 7-mile walks. Most of it was on ice. There were kids everywhere on pool rafts (Texas toboggan), 4-wheelers and trucks pulling kids on disk sleds, people using their cross-country skis. It was hilarious! Ashley and I used doggy poop bags over our socks in our tennis shoes. When you don’t know where your apres ski boots are…..poop bags in a pinch! I have to say - they keep your feet super warm and dry. I was able to provide Ashley with some entertainment when I yard sale’d it on the ice in the middle of a street. 🙄

I've been out in SF for about 10 days now. I’m with my friend, Maria. It has been 60-70 degrees and sunny. Every. Single. Day. We have walked or hiked endlessly. The Presidio, Golden Gate Park (she lives 2 blocks away), beach walked over in Marin. We’ve had porch dinners out. We’ve played tennis. She’s been playing and taking lessons so I’d really say it's been more of her playing, and me apologizing. Craig and I were out here visiting her around this time, 2018. Taking hikes, going to Napa, walking around the city. “Tio Craig” would roughhouse with her dogs. I’m here until the end of March. It was intentionally timed this way. March 28th is coming. I’m not ready for it. I haven’t been ready for one day of this. We are going to spend a week in Stinson Beach mid-March. My friend Ashley is flying out and the three of us are going to go to Napa over the days at the end of March.

As y’all know, music has been a continual thread throughout Craig and my life together. The right song can instantly lift you up, while another can bring you to your knees. I have my playlists that force cheer even when I am not feeling it. For those days that I need to get out of my own way. So, as blasphemous as this is, C didn’t like Willie Nelson. There. I said it. He just didn’t. 🤷‍♀️ There is a particular Willie song that always makes me think of him though. It makes me feel happy when my heart is heavy. The lyrics remind me of him. And it seems appropriate for this moment of being in the warmth and light of San Francisco. If you’re listening, I’m sorry, Ludes. ❤️

Hope this finds you all well,

A

Nashville - Percy Warner

Babs checking the mail - instead of me....😬

Presidio

2018 ❤️ Ludes, Chula, & Oscar

Quintessential C with a dog he loves

Yes, I did crop an ex out of this picture 😉